Religion/Culture

Ceremony

Do's and Don'ts

BUDDHIST

Within the first few months of life, followers of many Buddhist traditions hold a ceremony at home to welcome and bless the child. Food and customs vary with ethnicity of the Buddhist followers. For example, Koreans have a 100 day party and serve a special rice cake. Southeast Asians make offerings on an altar, and Chinese have a red egg and ginger party. 

Baby gifts and congratulatory cards are appropriate. Although it varies with ethnicity, many Southeast Asians avoid complimenting newborns for fear of attracting evil spirits. Follow their cues.

WESTERN CHRISTIAN

Infant baptism or christening generally takes place during the first few months of life. In church, a religious leader sprinkles holy water on the child, or the child may be fully immersed. The leader anoints the child with oil and formally

asks parents and godparents if they believe in the faith, if they resist evil, and if they wish the child to be baptized. They ceremonially name the child. Additionally, Roman Catholics bestow a saint's name on the newborn.

Baby gifts and congratulatory cards are appropriate. Modest clothing, nothing too informal.

EASTERN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN

Called "churching," the one-to-three-month infant is baptized through full immersion three times, then anointed with oil on the forehead, chest, hands, neck, back, and feet. This event takes place in the church officiated by a bishop or a priest and a deacon. 

Baby clothes or money and congratulatory cards are appreciated. Dress modestly in the church. Women should avoid wearing pants.

HINDU

Customs vary with caste. Brahmans have a home ceremony on the baby's 11th day when the priest blesses the infant. The priest announces the baby's ritualistic name along with a modern name. Parents place a black dot on the baby's face to deter people from complimenting the child and attracting the evil eye. 

Typical baby gifts are welcomed. Do not compliment the baby. Get very dressed up.

JEWISH

At eight days, male children are circumcised in a home ceremony called a Brit Milah and conducted by a mohel. The baby receives his Hebrew name at this time. A ceremonial naming ceremony for girls is now enjoying popularity. Called a Simchat Bat or Brit Bat, it may occur at 8, 14, or 30 days. 

Baby clothes and items are appropriate gifts. Money is frequently given, particularly in units of $18, which represents the numerical equivalent of the word Chai (life). The traditional expression of congratulations is "mazel tov."

MUSLIM

Customs vary with ethnicity or denomination of Islam. Some Muslims, for example, observe an informal akikah ceremony welcoming the newborn. The ceremony may take place in the mosque, but more frequently at home where food and drink are served afterward. 

Inside the mosque, women should cover their arms, have modest necklines, and hemlines should be below the knees. Hair should be covered by a scarf.

Men and women sit separately in the mosque. Gifts, especially cash, for the baby are appreciated.

Religion/Culture

Ceremony

Do's and Don'ts

BUDDHIST

Boys from Thailand, from 6 to 21 become novices for two weeks to three months, and reside and study with monks to learn how to live as Buddhists. To mark their change of status, they shave their heads and wear saffron robes. 

It is inappropriate to give gifts on this occasion. When entering the temple, remove shoes and socks and step over, not on, the threshold.

WESTERN CHRISTIAN

Roman Catholics have Confirmation ceremonies for boys and girls who are 15 or in the 9th grade. This takes place after intensive study in the articles of faith and rituals of Christian ceremonies. Boys and girls wear white gowns, boys with red ties, girls with red carnations. When 15, Mexican, Puerto Rican, and Cuban girls have an elaborate ceremony resembling a wedding, called a Quinceañera, representing their formal entry into womanhood and the church. 

Confirmation gifts should be religiously oriented or serious. Quinceañeras welcome personal items such as jewelry and perfume as well as religious items and books. Christians may offer congratulations by saying, "Congratulations, God is within you" or simply, "congratulations."

EASTERN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN

Most branches of the Eastern Orthodox Church have no coming of age ceremony. However, in the Antiochian branch, preteens have a brief initiation ceremony officiated by the bishop, or a priest, and a deacon.

When attending the church service, women should wear dresses rather than pants. Clothing should not be too casual. Money or clothing make appropriate gifts. In addition, it is appropriate to donate money when trays are passed during the ceremony.

HINDU

Boys of the Brahman or priestly class have a ceremony allowing them to study the Vedas (ancient Sanskrit scriptures). It occurs during one of the boy's odd-numbered birthdays, as early as 5 and up to 11. The boy wears white threads over his left shoulder to indicate his status. 

Gifts of clothes or ones that relate to learning are appropriate. Avoid wearing black. When entering the temple, remove shoes and socks.

JEWISH

After completing intensive study, a boy is eligible for Bar Mitzvah at 13 years and one day. This allows him to become fully incorporated into Jewish life, including participation in a prayer quorum (minyan). After reaching 12 years and one day, girls participate in a similar ceremony, Bas Mitzvah. Religious ceremonies take place in the temple with celebrations afterward. 

Gifts are appropriate, especially those related to learning. Attendance at a Conservative and Orthodox Synagogue requires men to wear headcoverings. Yarmulkes (skullcaps) are available to those who need them. At Orthodox synagogues, married women should cover their heads with hats or scarves and dress modestly. Also, in Orthodox synagogues, men and women are seated in separate sections.

MUSLIM

Anytime from the midteens up, a person may participate in the shahada ceremony. It must be witnessed by two male Muslims or eight female Muslims. During this brief ceremony, the young person repeats the Islamic declaration of faith: "There is no deity but God, and Muhammad is the messenger of God." 

No gift-giving at this time. At the mosque, observe separation of the sexes. Women should have arms covered, modest necklines, hems at midcalf, and scarves covering the hair. Men may be casually attired.

Religion/Culture

Ceremony

Do's and Don'ts

BUDDHIST

Depending on ethnicity, ceremonies frequently take place at home with dinner receptions held afterwards in restaurants. Ceremonies are lengthy and offerings are made upon the home altar. The groom's family usually presents the bride with expensive rings, bracelets, and necklaces.

In the Japanese Buddhist tradition, the bride and groom drink three times from each other's cups of saki. At the reception, one thousand figures, especially cranes, made from origami (folded paper) are displayed by the bridesmaids. During the reception, the best man makes a toast saying, Kampai, good luck, three times and then drinks with the others then joining in.

At homes and inside the temple, remove your shoes. Women should avoid wearing black or white. Gifts are appropriate, but avoid giving knives and clocks. Many ethnicities welcome money-filled envelopes, but do not give a white envelope to Chinese and Vietnamese as white is associated with death. Do not kiss the bride.

WESTERN CHRISTIAN

Customs vary with denomination. Among Mexican Catholics, for example, after the vows and rings, a relative hands 13 dimelike coins in a small box to the priest, who hands it to the groom who hands it to the bride. This ancient practice is a symbolic promise that he will care for her material needs and she will use the money to take care of their household.

Some African Americans are beginning to adopt traditions from Africa into the wedding ceremony. One such tradition is "jumping the broom." The bride and groom step over a broom symbolizing both sweeping away the past and entering a new union and in this way giving positive recognition to their African heritage.

Dress appropriate to a church setting, modestly, and not too casual. Material gifts and cash are welcomed.

EASTERN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN

In the Greek Orthodox tradition, the bride and groom exchange rings three times. The maid of honor and best man hold crowns tied with a common ribbon above the couple's heads. Later, the best man criss-crosses the crowns over their heads three times. 

If not of the faith, remain seated while others kneel. Wear dressy clothing. Gifts of money and household items are appreciated.

HINDU

The couple wears colorful traditional Indian garb and sits in royal chairs. A burning fire is considered the witness. Among the Brahman caste, the couple walks around the fire three times. At the end of the ceremony, guests throw flower petals at the couple. 

Avoid wearing black. Remove shoes and socks. Greet people with the namaste, a sign of respect. Bring hands together, fingertips touching, with thumbs almost touching the breastbone. At the same time, nod your head.

JEWISH

During the ceremony, the wedding couple stands under a bridal canopy (chupa). The ceremony ends when the groom stomps on a glass wrapped in cloth. When guests hear the glass shatter, they shout "Mazel Tov," meaning good luck. At Orthodox weddings, men and women sit separately and separation of the sexes is maintained at the reception, including while dancing. 

All gifts are welcomed including money. At Orthodox weddings, women should dress modestly and married women should wear hats or scarves.

MUSLIM

Ethnicity affects customs, and ceremonies need not take place in the mosque. Among Iranians, at the reception, married female guests rub two sugar cones together and let the granules fall onto fabric held over the heads of the seated newlyweds as a wish for a sweet life together. 

Cash and household items are appreciated. If the ceremony takes place at the mosque, separation of sexes is observed and at the reception, after the ceremony, mixed dancing is not allowed. If the reception takes place outside the mosque, women should wear elegant clothes.

Religion/Culture

Ceremony

Do's and Don'ts

BUDDHIST

Depending on ethnicity, home ceremonies take place for several days prior to the funeral. Photos of the deceased may be displayed on a home altar with burning incense. During the ceremony, families make food offerings on an altar or in front of the grave during the ceremony. Family mourners may be dressed in black or white. 

Wear black at ceremonies. Avoid wearing red or floral prints. Money in envelopes is appreciated, but should be given prior to the funeral. If a ceremony takes place at the temple, remove shoes before entering.

WESTERN CHRISTIAN

At Roman Catholic ceremonies, memorial cards with biographical information and a photo of the deceased are distributed. Some families may observe visitation at the mortuary for a few days prior to the funeral (called a wake). Ceremonies for many denominations may be held at the cemetery instead of at the church. 

Wear black or somber colors. Flowers are appreciated for the funeral. Food sent to the home of the deceased is appreciated.

EASTERN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN

Open caskets are common and guests stop to pay their respects at the casket. At the grave site, family and church members may place a flower on the casket or spread soil on the casket. Following the burial a Meal of Mercy may be served at the church, the home of the family, or in a restaurant. 

Women should not wear pants suits in church. Colors should be dark. Flowers sent to the mortuary are appreciated. Food sent to the home of the deceased will be welcomed.

HINDU

Among Brahmans, both men and women witness the cremation ceremony, and the eldest son pushes the button to set off the crematorium. For 12 days after death, the family mourns and does not cook. They believe the soul departs on the 13th day and crying ceases at this time. 

Food sent during the mourning period will be appreciated. Do not offer money. Wear solemn clothes, preferably black.

JEWISH

Ideally, funerals take place 24 hours after death. The immediate family wears black lapel ribbons, and after the burial service, the rabbi tears the ribbons to reenact the ancient practice of rending one's garments as a sign of mourning. During the graveside ceremony, each family member, and then friends, are asked to throw dirt onto the casket in honor of the person who died. Upon leaving the cemetery or before reentering their homes, mourners wash their hands. Many Jews observe a period of seven days of official mourning after the funeral during which they are at home to receive the sympathy of family and friends. During these visits, it is appropriate to speak about and share memories of the person who died. Food is available, but it is not appropriate for those in mourning to either prepare food or serve guests. 

Don't send flowers. Donations to charity in the name of the deceased are appreciated as are gifts of food for the mourners during the seven days of official mourning. If the family is Orthodox, send or bring fruit to avoid violating kosher laws.

MUSLIM

Muslim funerals take place 24 hours after death. Depending on the traditions followed, family members prepare the body with oils and fragrances. An Iman (priest) officiates at the funeral. The body is usually turned slightly so that it rests on its right side and the grave is dug so that the body will lie in the direction of Mecca.

Do not give money, but it is acceptable to send flowers to the home of the deceased following the funeral. At the funeral, wear black. Avoid wearing light colors, especially red. Common expressions of condolences are: "My condolences," "May God give you patience," and "I hope that this is your last sorrow."